Tag: mental-health

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MAFSAU

Seagulls Round a Chip

If you’ve been watching this season of Married at First Sight Australia, you may have noticed something: the red flags are as multitudinous as the litter of cliches: ‘ride or die’…’I’m not here for drama; I’m here for love!’…’wallsup…vulnerable…100%…my person…accountability.’ The red flags are blowing wilder than beach umbrellas in a cyclone, and the cliches multiply like seagulls around a single hot chip.

And yet… we still catch ourselves wondering: Is that passion?

Every year, the experiment reveals the difference between spark and stability. Early chemistry can look dramatic, intense, even addictive. Raised voices. Emotional declarations. Jealousy framed as devotion. Grand gestures after messy arguments.

Reality TV loves that energy.

But in real relationships, those things are often just red flags wearing a very charismatic disguise. As we come to the end of this series, that’s being proven time and time again.

But it made me think about how many of us have been conditioned to read emotional turbulence as romance. If someone is intense about us, reactive about us, a little bit chaotic because of us, it can feel flattering…important…magnetic.

But intensity isn’t the same thing as depth.

And I say that not just as a celebrant who meets couples at one of the happiest moments in their lives, but as someone who has also lived, learned, and loved through two divorces. Experience has a way of sharpening your radar.

Real compatibility often looks… calmer.

It’s the partner who listens without turning the conversation into a competition. It’s disagreements that stay respectful instead of escalating into drama. It’s someone who doesn’t need to prove their feelings with emotional fireworks every week.

It’s stability.

And here’s a really weird thing: when you’re used to chaos, stability can feel almost suspicious. Quiet support can seem less exciting than emotional rollercoasters. Peace can be mistaken for boredom.

But peace isn’t boring.

Peace is what allows attraction to grow instead of constantly recovering from the last argument. It’s what makes trust possible. It’s what lets two people actually build something.

On shows like MAFSAU, the couples who last, rarely look like the most passionate ones at the beginning. They’re the ones who communicate well, respect boundaries, and show emotional steadiness when things get uncomfortable.

Interestingly, those are often the qualities I see in the couples who create the most meaningful ceremonies too. When we sit together to plan a wedding, the strongest relationships usually have a quiet confidence about them. They know how to listen to each other. They respect each other’s perspectives. There’s warmth but also steadiness.

So, it is a good moment to ask ourselves:

Are we drawn to people who create excitement…or people who create safety?

Because the most attractive quality in the long run isn’t intensity.

It’s emotional maturity.

And from where I sit, helping couples craft the moment they promise their lives to each other, stability is not dull at all.

It’s actually the most romantic foundation there is.

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A Little Sunshine Sheds Light on Love

digital composite of text love on sea background

Spring Clean Your Relationships This Easter and get Ready for Wedding Season: A Gentle Reset for This Time of Renewal

There’s something about spring that invites honesty. I just love it when, after the hibernation that winter demands of us, the light lingers for longer, the air softens, and suddenly the things we’ve been ignoring – cluttered closets, webby corners, dusty shelves – feel a little harder to avoid. While most of us think of decluttering our homes, or re-planting the garden, fewer consider doing the same with our relationships. Yet this season of renewal is the perfect time to gently reassess the connections we carry.

Spring cleaning your relationships isn’t about cutting people off or making dramatic exits but about creating space for healthier, more intentional connections, starting with awareness. We can zone in on neglected habits or strained relationships and give them the same kind of dusting off and care, and attention that we do in our homes and gardens…

Take Inventory Without Judgment

Begin by noticing. Who energises you? Who leaves you feeling drained, unseen, or anxious? You don’t have to put people into a box of “good” or “bad,” but by understanding how your interactions affect your well-being, you can be more prepared for how to manage them.

Some relationships may simply need a little dusting, more communication, more presence, or clearer expectations. Others might reveal patterns you’ve outgrown, but you can change the pattern without changing the characters.

Clear Out Unspoken Resentments

Just like clutter builds slowly, so do small frustrations left unaddressed. Spring is a good time to gently air things out. Whilst that doesn’t mean confronting every person dramatically, it does mean being honest – first with yourself, and then, when appropriate, with others.

A simple, calm conversation can clear emotional space faster than months of quiet tension.

Refresh Your Boundaries

Healthy relationships need boundaries in the same way that homes need walls; they create structure and safety. If you’ve been overextending yourself, saying yes when you mean no, or tolerating behaviour that doesn’t sit right, this is your moment to reset.

Boundaries aren’t punishments but invitations for mutual respect.

Let Go Where Needed

Not every relationship is meant to last forever in its current form. Some fade naturally; others require a more conscious release. Letting go can feel heavy, but it also creates room for growth…both yours and theirs.

Think of it less as loss and more as pruning: cutting back to allow something healthier to flourish.

Nurture What Matters

Once you’ve cleared space, turn your attention to the relationships that truly matter. Take action. Reach out. Make plans. Express appreciation. Small, consistent effort often matters more than grand gestures.

Connection thrives with care.

Include Yourself in the Reset

Finally, don’t forget the relationship you have with yourself. Are you speaking kindly to yourself? Giving yourself rest? Allowing room for imperfection?

Just like a garden in spring, the relationships we tend to with care, patience, and intention are the ones that take root and flourish over time. For couples preparing for marriage, this season is a beautiful reminder that a strong, lasting partnership isn’t built in a single day, it grows from the small, meaningful ways you show up for each other. Choosing a wedding celebrant who understands this deeper foundation can help you create a ceremony that reflects not just your love story, but the values and connection that will carry you through a lifetime together. If you’re searching for a wedding celebrant who will honour your journey and help you plant those first roots with purpose, now is the perfect time to begin that conversation.

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Finding Meaning in Loss: Lessons from a Funeral Celebrant

In a world obsessed with credentials, nobody ever asks me where I trained to write or speak. They just want to know if I can help them say goodbye.

My name is Julie. I used to be so proud of the letters after my name – I worked hard for them and I used to be employed because of them…

For most of my life, I was in education. Targets, exam results, league tables – those were supposed to be my measures of success. Achievement defined in numbers, not in kindness. Progress meant moving up a grade, not moving through love or change or loss and grief.

Now, part of my role is as a funeral celebrant. And I’ve learned that the most important lessons don’t come from classrooms – they come through love or change or loss and grief; from the solitary moments, when expressing thoughts and crafting words are all that’s left.

Nobody interviews me as such these days and no-one ever asks me where I trained to speak, or what qualifications I hold. They don’t care whether I can quote philosophy or recite poetry from memory. They just want to know if I can help them tell the story of someone they loved. If I can stand beside them, steady and sure, when the world feels like it’s come undone.

It’s a strange kind of privilege – to meet and care for people on what is often the hardest day of their lives. To listen as they stumble through memories, laughter, regret, pride. To shape those fragments into something that feels true.

Not perfect. Just true.

I’ve watched families arrive in silence and leave with a small smile because, somehow, in forty minutes or so of words and music, we have found an honest way to honour a whole life.

I’ve seen strangers turn to one another and say, “That was so them.” And for a heartbeat, grief softens. Nobody puts that in a data table. There’s no graph for comfort. No metric for meaning. But if there were, I think it would look like this: a daughter’s nod as her father’s favourite song plays. A friend’s tears turning into laughter at a well-told story. A look – the kind that says, Yes. You got it right.

We live in a world obsessed with credentials, certificates, and success stories. But when loss arrives – and it always does – it’s not prestige that holds us together. It’s presence. It’s gentleness. It’s the willingness to sit in the silence and not look away.

I sometimes think back to my teaching days. How so many of my colleagues told young people that failure was the opposite of achievement. How we rarely spoke of how much we learn through losing – a game, a chance, a person. But loss is a teacher too. Maybe the most profound one of all.

So here’s what I’ve come to believe:

It doesn’t matter if you have letters that follow your name. It matters that, when someone’s world falls apart, you have the courage to show up. To listen. To speak words that bring light into the darkness, even for a moment.

And if a young person ever tells you they want to do something “small” – to care, to comfort, to help others through difficult times – tell them that it’s not small at all. It is everything!

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Embracing Grief: The Sacred Process of Healing

I often get asked how I manage to lead funeral services; people are keen to know how I cope with being surrounded by such grief.

There’s a simple answer to this – I am continually learning how to carry both love and loss together. And whilst the grief at most services is not my own, personal grief to bear, it is such a privilege to help carry this momentarily while others learn too.

I saw this post on social media today, attributed to Jim Carey…I thought it appropriate to share…

“Grief is not just an emotion – it’s an unraveling, a space where something once lived but is now gone. It carves through you, leaving a hollow ache where love once resided.

In the beginning, it feels unbearable, like a wound that will never close. But over time, the raw edges begin to mend. The pain softens, but the imprint remains – a quiet reminder of what once was. The truth is, you never truly “move on.” You move with it. The love you had does not disappear; it transforms. It lingers in the echoes of laughter, in the warmth of old memories, in the silent moments where you still reach for what is no longer there. And that’s okay.

Grief is not a burden to be hidden. It is not a weakness to be ashamed of. It is the deepest proof that love existed, that something beautiful once touched your life. So let yourself feel it. Let yourself mourn. Let yourself remember.

There is no timeline, no “right” way to grieve. Some days will be heavy, and some will feel lighter. Some moments will bring unexpected waves of sadness, while others will fill you with gratitude for the love you were lucky enough to experience.

Honour your grief, for it is sacred. It is a testament to the depth of your heart.

And in time, through the pain, you will find healing – not because you have forgotten, but because you have learned how to carry both love and loss together.”

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Celebrating Sisterhood in the Wedding Industry

The Power of Women Supporting Women: A Celebrant’s Perspective

On this International Women’s Day, I want to take a moment to celebrate the strength, wisdom, and collaboration of women…especially within the wedding celebrant industry. In a world often dominated by conflict, competition, and the pursuit of power, there is something profoundly radical about collaboration, care, and community. The wedding celebrant industry is a shining example of this; where women support women, lifting each other up, and working towards recognition, not just for ourselves but for the profession as a whole. As we strive to be recognised as legal registrars, we do so not through conquest, but through unity.

History has lauded and celebrated the leading men of the world, quite a few of whom have marched into battle, made decisions from ivory towers, and frankly left a mess. Right now the world needs to be different. What if soft skills of empathy, cooperation, intuition, and wisdom were valued as much as strategy and force? The truth is, they should be, and in our industry, they are.

Wedding celebrants have always been more than just facilitators of vows; we are storytellers, guides, and the keepers of love’s most sacred moments. And in this profession, we see firsthand what happens when people work together, with love, rather than against one another. Women in this industry champion one another, share resources, mentor newcomers, and celebrate successes together. We know that recognition and success for one of us means progress for all of us.

But let’s take a moment to acknowledge the men who support this too…the ones who recognise the power of women working together and stand beside us, not threatened by our wisdom but empowered by it. These are the men who know that strong, wise, and capable women were once accused of witchcraft for simply daring to be themselves. They celebrate our collective strength, knowing that a world where women lift each other up is a world where everyone rises.

So, as we push for celebrants to be recognised as legal registrars, let us continue leading with the values that define us: collaboration over competition, wisdom over war, and community over conquest. If the wedding industry has taught us anything, it’s that love is built on partnership and perhaps, just perhaps, a world that embraces these principles could find a little more peace too.

Happy International Women’s Day!

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Love Is The Drug

Attraction is more than just a spark…it’s science and it’s rooted in biology, psychology, and chemistry. When we feel drawn to someone, there are several systems in our brain and body which are at work, creating what we perceive as love or desire.

Have you any real idea what’s really happening when your head spins and your heart feels like it’s going to burst out from it’s cage?

Biology and Survival

Attraction starts deep in our evolutionary history. Our ancestors needed to find healthy, strong mates to pass on their genes. Today, this instinct still shapes many of our preferences and so physical traits like facial symmetry, for example, are often linked to perceived health and fertility. This is why we might be drawn to people who look fit or display signs of good health—our biology is wired to seek out those who could help us reproduce successfully.

But attraction isn’t just physical. Traits like kindness, intelligence, and social status are also attractive because they suggest a potential partner will provide stability and support, important for survival in early human societies.

Chemistry

The phrase “chemistry” in romance is quite literal. When you meet someone you’re attracted to, your brain releases a cocktail of chemicals that affect how you feel. Dopamine, often called the “feel-good” neurotransmitter, floods your brain when you’re around someone you like, causing feelings of happiness and excitement. Meanwhile, adrenaline spikes your heart rate, making you feel more alert and energized. Serotonin, which controls mood and happiness, often drops, leading to obsessive thinking about the other person.

Oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” is released during moments of physical intimacy like hugging or kissing. This hormone promotes bonding and emotional connection, deepening feelings of attachment.

It’s no wonder there are so many love songs linked to the idea that we’re intoxicated with love:

Addicted To Love – Robert Palmer

By The End Of The Night – Ellie Goulding

Can’t Feel My Face – The Weeknd

Dope – John Legend

Favorite Kind Of High – Kelly Clarkson

I Get Lifted – George McCrae

I Want A New Drug – Huey Lewis & the News

I’m Addicted – Madonna

Just Like A Pill – Pink

Love Is The Drug – Roxy Music

Never Be the Same – Camila Cabello

No Drug Like Me – Carly Rae Jepsen

Off My Face – Justin Bieber

Pusher Love Girl – Justin Timberlake

Seen You – Example

Sense – The Lightning Seeds

She’s So High – Blur

This Addiction – Alkaline Trio

Up – Erica Falls

Your Love Is My Drug – Kesha

Psychology

Our personal preferences are shaped by a mix of experience, culture, and social conditioning. For example, if you grew up in a culture that idealises certain body types or personalities, you might be more likely to find those traits attractive. Additionally, psychologists suggest that our relationship with our parents can subconsciously influence who we’re attracted to. People often seek out partners who remind them of their caregivers, either to recreate or avoid the dynamics they experienced growing up.

Humans are naturally drawn to people who are similar to them, both in appearance and personality. This is known as the “similarity-attraction effect.” We’re more likely to bond with someone who shares our values, interests, and background because it creates a sense of understanding and predictability. Familiarity also plays a role—studies show that we tend to feel more attracted to people we’ve encountered frequently, even if only in passing. This is why proximity often leads to deeper relationships.

A Complex Cocktail of Attraction

Attraction isn’t just one thing—it’s a blend of biology, chemistry, and psychology. While the initial spark might be fueled by evolutionary instincts and chemical reactions, the deeper connection often comes from shared values and emotional bonds. Understanding the science behind attraction doesn’t take away its magic; in fact, it highlights just how complex and fascinating love truly is.

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Thinking About Thinking: What’s The Problem?

I had to have a calming conversation with a family member just yesterday; he is in a partnership – a civil partnership actually – but he has become more dependent on his partner recently due to failing health. It’s interesting because, back in the days when civil partnership was ‘new’, they didn’t consider making any personal vows as such and simply repeated the legalities…something along these lines: P and C are here to formally pledge their love, to be united in a partnership, and to offer each other the security that comes from promises sincerely made, and faithfully kept. They are choosing to make a commitment to each other for the rest of their lives.

They’ve been together in a solid relationship for more than fifty years! As you can imagine, with the frailty that can come with illness and old age, it’s easy to get caught up in overthinking about what might be (or, in his case, also what might have been). My brother – P– certainly overthinks; he is a classic example when it comes to catastrophising – the act of thinking the absolute worst when a problem occurs. Perhaps if they had considered writing their own promises and commitments, he might have been more aware about trying to control his thought patterns. If you hold with the neuroscience and appreciate the brain’s plasticity, or with spiritual practices such as meditation and yoga, it is possible to control thought. And taking the conscious decision to be with someone for the rest of your lives requires some conscious thought!

Here is yesterday’s illustrative scenario:

P wasn’t feeling well in the morning so instead of their usual stroll into town, he took a rest and C went off to fetch provisions and do some errands. My brother dozed, but when he woke up to find his partner hadn’t returned, what do you think was his first thought? That C had met a mutual friend and had an impromptu coffee? That C had missed the local bus that brings him and the heavy shopping bags back up the hill? No…by the time C got back, my brother was pacing up and down, weeping, and contemplating telephoning the funeral director to prepare for a body! He had imagined all sorts – a cardiac arrest, a terrorist attack, a Reginald Perrin type disappearance into the sea.

His slightly wild imaginings illustrate how the problem is never really the problem. Rather it’s the way we think that is the real issue.

Relationships and partnerships and the things that go with them, including the planning of weddings and other public events provide ample opportunity for one or the other to get anxious and imagine the worst case scenario. A wedding is a time when we want a perfect day, when everything should be in our control, when nothing must go wrong. That’s a lofty hope because, even with all the planning and preparation or love in the world, we can’t stave off every challenge.

Here are some of the ways that we can avoid catastrophising:

Catch ourselves in the act – as soon as we become aware of what we are thinking, remind ourselves that we have done this before, but we’re still here and things worked out.

Ask ourselves specific questions about the worst thing that could happen and balance it out with the best; we can take mitigating action to aim for joy.

Follow the negative thoughts to see where they lead. At every negative turn, we have the option to choose a more positive outcome, to shift the thinking into taking a different path.

Remind ourselves that we are not our thoughts. They are external – it may seem like they are part of us but if we can separate them from our being, they don’t consume us. An example is: ‘I am useless at reading in public and out loud’ changes to ‘My brain is telling me today that I am useless but I am so worthy.’

Pay attention when things go well and also when previous catastrophic predictions haven’t materialised. We can soon take note when our brains cry wolf and can recognise when we have met challenge and survived.

Look out for tomorrow’s blog to discover some more ways to, live in the now, and avoid catastrophic thinking.