Seagulls Round a Chip
If you’ve been watching this season of Married at First Sight Australia, you may have noticed something: the red flags are as multitudinous as the litter of cliches: ‘ride or die’…’I’m not here for drama; I’m here for love!’…’wallsup…vulnerable…100%…my person…accountability.’ The red flags are blowing wilder than beach umbrellas in a cyclone, and the cliches multiply like seagulls around a single hot chip.
And yet… we still catch ourselves wondering: Is that passion?
Every year, the experiment reveals the difference between spark and stability. Early chemistry can look dramatic, intense, even addictive. Raised voices. Emotional declarations. Jealousy framed as devotion. Grand gestures after messy arguments.
Reality TV loves that energy.
But in real relationships, those things are often just red flags wearing a very charismatic disguise. As we come to the end of this series, that’s being proven time and time again.
But it made me think about how many of us have been conditioned to read emotional turbulence as romance. If someone is intense about us, reactive about us, a little bit chaotic because of us, it can feel flattering…important…magnetic.
But intensity isn’t the same thing as depth.
And I say that not just as a celebrant who meets couples at one of the happiest moments in their lives, but as someone who has also lived, learned, and loved through two divorces. Experience has a way of sharpening your radar.
Real compatibility often looks… calmer.
It’s the partner who listens without turning the conversation into a competition. It’s disagreements that stay respectful instead of escalating into drama. It’s someone who doesn’t need to prove their feelings with emotional fireworks every week.
It’s stability.
And here’s a really weird thing: when you’re used to chaos, stability can feel almost suspicious. Quiet support can seem less exciting than emotional rollercoasters. Peace can be mistaken for boredom.
But peace isn’t boring.
Peace is what allows attraction to grow instead of constantly recovering from the last argument. It’s what makes trust possible. It’s what lets two people actually build something.
On shows like MAFSAU, the couples who last, rarely look like the most passionate ones at the beginning. They’re the ones who communicate well, respect boundaries, and show emotional steadiness when things get uncomfortable.
Interestingly, those are often the qualities I see in the couples who create the most meaningful ceremonies too. When we sit together to plan a wedding, the strongest relationships usually have a quiet confidence about them. They know how to listen to each other. They respect each other’s perspectives. There’s warmth but also steadiness.
So, it is a good moment to ask ourselves:
Are we drawn to people who create excitement…or people who create safety?
Because the most attractive quality in the long run isn’t intensity.
It’s emotional maturity.
And from where I sit, helping couples craft the moment they promise their lives to each other, stability is not dull at all.
It’s actually the most romantic foundation there is.
Latansani 