Category: Daily inspiration

Quick read snippets that will help you to reach for your dreams.

Categories
Daily inspiration

Transforming Challenges into Celebrant Success

From educator to celebrant: a bold career change!

It has been a daring challenge and a huge learning curve, becoming a celebrant. My entire career, prior to setting up this business, was in a secure, but highly stressful role as a senior teacher and Head teacher. Whilst I had many transferable skills, I had never been responsible for managing any aspect of business independently.

In 2019, prior to the pandemic lock-down, I had no choice but to make a change; so I set about devising a business plan that I had produced independently, having never developed such a projection before. This secured me a significant half-million-pound commercial investment to buy my own wedding venue. I found and made an offer on a riverside/estuary property. I sold my home and was prepared to invest it all into a business which, with a visionary strategic plan and my hard work, would have had me loan-free within five years…an audacious goal, given my single status after two costly divorces! I was ecstatic at the success of securing this investment and excited at the prospect of hosting and officiating at chic estuary weddings.

But the timing was almost catastrophic. I was thankful and regretful all at the same time when it didn’t complete before the lockdown. Thankful, as I would have lost everything; regretful because of the missed opportunity.

Instead, I had bills to pay, no job, no income, no furlough and no chance of any help or possible employment. The educational career I could have previously relied on was also a ‘no entry’ as all educational establishments were shut down. I had two options: set myself up and keep focused and positive in a gig economy or go under. I kept my head just above water in that time by training with AMC, setting up Latansani and writing and publishing two books:

The Will To Surthrive eBook : Whitney, Julie: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

Not Lost For Words: How Words Can Help To Destigmatise Dementia eBook : Whitney, Julie: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

Now, how times have changed. My first wedding ceremony was delivered in front of 200+ guests and attended by television’s Big Gospel Choir. Since then, I have officiated at dozens of classy and chic weddings, conducted several vow renewals and baby naming ceremonies, all bespoke and unique in settings, and have led more than three hundred funeral services. They are so rewarding – the privilege of being able to help families in their time of greatest need has been so healing for me, and I hope that my services have begun that process for them.

I am leading the way for diversity and change in the ways that such rites of passage are considered and I really try to push boundaries. I continue to liaise with local councils to ensure that couples can access registrar ceremonies alongside the more bespoke services that I offer, at least until we get the legislation changed; I have ‘appeared’ on BBC Radio Devon on many occasions as a Celebrant/ Author to support community events and to promote myself as a celebrant and Latansani as a business; I support all efforts to change the discriminatory wedding legislation that has not been altered significantly since 1753; and, I hope, I am a real role model to women in the autumn years of their lives or careers because I will never give up. As a ‘novice’ businesswoman in my sixties, I am one of the WASPI generation, significantly affected by the state pension changes but even if this were not the case, my work and my business are pure joy and will keep me young and focused, working in celebrancy well into the next decade.

I kept myself going in that lockdown with a dream to be self-sufficient, successful, and as sassy as ever.

So here’s to 2025!

You can really help me by understanding the significant role that Celebrants can play…spread the word.

And if any of you would like to know more about the work that we do and the ways that we can change outdated and un-serving protocols consider signing up for Celebrantopia. Link below:

Celebranttopia 2025
Categories
Daily inspiration

Maintaining Vibrant Networks as a Celebrant

It’s good for your health as well as for your business!

I’ve been in Celebrancy for six years, loving every second of it and generally being very healthy throughout all of the wonderful, emotional events I have officiated. But, for the first time this week, I had to admit defeat. My kitchen has looked like a scene from Macbeth! Despite swallowing whole cloves of garlic, coated in manuka honey, sipping peppermint tea, infused with black pepper and steaming over various bubbling pots, I did not have the voice to respectfully lead a funeral service. ‘Waking’ from another night of tossing and turning, my head full of infection and worry, I had to make a professional call: I’d need a stand-in!

I also work as one of the mentors for The Academy of Modern Celebrancy, training aspiring celebrants who wish to come and make a difference in the industry. One of the exacting criteria we insist upon is ensuring that a written script can be read on first sight – with clarity over phrasing and punctuation; express instructions about staging and cueing music, or leading a ritual, or introducing tributes. So, I obviously apply this standard to my own writing and felt comfortable that I was transferring the baton, having done my best by this stage.

With all of the best preparation in the world, you can’t factor in every eventuality – this week, several of my colleagues have had events kiboshed by the snow, with services being delayed, or shifted to different venues and many guests unable to attend. But the show must go on, and clients must be reassured that they will have the ceremony they’re expecting, delivered by a professional who won’t let them down. There are occasions when we have to resort to back-up plans…and that’s when all the time, and love and energy that we’ve put into our networks comes into play; whether built on friendship, or professional esteem, these connections are vital to our survival!

I am so blessed to have such good friends and colleagues – but neither has come about by accident. There’s a lot of energy and time that goes into sustaining these connections.

Here’s how we can all maintain vibrant and beneficial professional networks:

Regularly Connect: Maintaining any network begins with consistent communication. A simple message, showing that you have noticed someone goes a long way. Send tailored notes to check in, share a relevant article, or congratulate a connection on their recent accomplishments. This personal touch makes your outreach thoughtful and meaningful.

Leverage social media: Actively engage with your network by liking, commenting on, or sharing posts. Highlight your expertise and stay visible within your professional community. The key is to show genuine interest in your contacts’ lives and careers, reminding them that your connection is authentic and enduring.

Offer Your Own Value and Support: A strong network is built on mutual value, genuine respect, and equity…not transactions!

Here are ways to contribute:

  • Share Insight: Provide resources, articles, or advice related to industry trends, ceremony ideas, or public speaking. Sharing your knowledge keeps you top of mind.
  • Proactively Help: Offer assistance with referrals, career advice, or collaborative opportunities. For example, if a connection is looking for a venue partner, introducing them to a reliable contact can strengthen all relationships. Being a helpful resource in your network reinforces your role as a valuable connection.
  • Engage at Conferences and Meetups: Attend industry gatherings, workshops, and webinars to meet like-minded professionals. Face-to-face interactions at events are powerful for deepening relationships, allowing you to bond beyond online exchanges. Make it a habit to attend a mix of local and virtual events to stay connected with the broader industry community. And don’t forget to keep your profile updated, as your online presence keeps your network engaged.

I am very fortunate to be in the position that I’m in, hence I was able to call upon the services of a wonderful colleague, reasonably new to the industry, but a consummate professional. Far from being my competition, she held me up in that moment; we felt the true power of networking because it was so mutually beneficial; and we celebrated our connection…from a distance, due to the sniffles, although if she finds herself in a similar situation, I can provide cauldron and several herbal remedies, along with a promise that if she needs me, I’ll always be her back-up plan.

Categories
Daily inspiration

What Difference Would It Make Today If The World Looked Like This?

Screenshot
Screenshot

Oh…Wait…

It Does!

Categories
Daily inspiration

Love Is The Drug

Attraction is more than just a spark…it’s science and it’s rooted in biology, psychology, and chemistry. When we feel drawn to someone, there are several systems in our brain and body which are at work, creating what we perceive as love or desire.

Have you any real idea what’s really happening when your head spins and your heart feels like it’s going to burst out from it’s cage?

Biology and Survival

Attraction starts deep in our evolutionary history. Our ancestors needed to find healthy, strong mates to pass on their genes. Today, this instinct still shapes many of our preferences and so physical traits like facial symmetry, for example, are often linked to perceived health and fertility. This is why we might be drawn to people who look fit or display signs of good health—our biology is wired to seek out those who could help us reproduce successfully.

But attraction isn’t just physical. Traits like kindness, intelligence, and social status are also attractive because they suggest a potential partner will provide stability and support, important for survival in early human societies.

Chemistry

The phrase “chemistry” in romance is quite literal. When you meet someone you’re attracted to, your brain releases a cocktail of chemicals that affect how you feel. Dopamine, often called the “feel-good” neurotransmitter, floods your brain when you’re around someone you like, causing feelings of happiness and excitement. Meanwhile, adrenaline spikes your heart rate, making you feel more alert and energized. Serotonin, which controls mood and happiness, often drops, leading to obsessive thinking about the other person.

Oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” is released during moments of physical intimacy like hugging or kissing. This hormone promotes bonding and emotional connection, deepening feelings of attachment.

It’s no wonder there are so many love songs linked to the idea that we’re intoxicated with love:

Addicted To Love – Robert Palmer

By The End Of The Night – Ellie Goulding

Can’t Feel My Face – The Weeknd

Dope – John Legend

Favorite Kind Of High – Kelly Clarkson

I Get Lifted – George McCrae

I Want A New Drug – Huey Lewis & the News

I’m Addicted – Madonna

Just Like A Pill – Pink

Love Is The Drug – Roxy Music

Never Be the Same – Camila Cabello

No Drug Like Me – Carly Rae Jepsen

Off My Face – Justin Bieber

Pusher Love Girl – Justin Timberlake

Seen You – Example

Sense – The Lightning Seeds

She’s So High – Blur

This Addiction – Alkaline Trio

Up – Erica Falls

Your Love Is My Drug – Kesha

Psychology

Our personal preferences are shaped by a mix of experience, culture, and social conditioning. For example, if you grew up in a culture that idealises certain body types or personalities, you might be more likely to find those traits attractive. Additionally, psychologists suggest that our relationship with our parents can subconsciously influence who we’re attracted to. People often seek out partners who remind them of their caregivers, either to recreate or avoid the dynamics they experienced growing up.

Humans are naturally drawn to people who are similar to them, both in appearance and personality. This is known as the “similarity-attraction effect.” We’re more likely to bond with someone who shares our values, interests, and background because it creates a sense of understanding and predictability. Familiarity also plays a role—studies show that we tend to feel more attracted to people we’ve encountered frequently, even if only in passing. This is why proximity often leads to deeper relationships.

A Complex Cocktail of Attraction

Attraction isn’t just one thing—it’s a blend of biology, chemistry, and psychology. While the initial spark might be fueled by evolutionary instincts and chemical reactions, the deeper connection often comes from shared values and emotional bonds. Understanding the science behind attraction doesn’t take away its magic; in fact, it highlights just how complex and fascinating love truly is.

Categories
Daily inspiration

The Importance of Benevolent Relationships in Suicide Prevention

This month is suicide prevention month and yesterday was World Suicide Prevention Day…

I will be honest…

I thought about not being here myself when I experienced an existential crisis so profound after the death of my mother. It wasn’t the loss of her, although of course that had an impact, but the realisation, as she passed, that life is quite a long round of loss, and suffering; of isolation and seismic change. And that without love – either for myself or from those around me, we are rendered pretty helpless and often utterly bereft!

Through roles in education, I have heard and seen evidence of major trauma in early lives…emotional abuse, violence, abandonment, neglect. I have experienced some myself. But it’s not just the extreme and visible abuse that can leave wounds which remain sore and open to the deepest infection. It’s what to others is invisible or which appears as a harmless scratch or which they dismiss as superficial.


It’s when others don’t really listen to understand but listen to defend or worse, attack. When there is no-one to support; no-one to listen; no-one to affirm; no-one to validate. Or, the ones who are around, using their position to exploit, control, undermine, or gaslight…then what?

It is converse that the strongest protective factors are our relationships….but they are also the source of the greatest harm. If we do not have truly benevolent, caring people in our immediate network, then what?

If we reach out, and there is no-one to respond with kindness, then what?

In all relationships, maintain integrity, connection and kindness.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call 116 123.

The Samaritans won’t judge or tell you what to do

Categories
Daily inspiration

Thinking About Thinking: What’s The Problem?

I had to have a calming conversation with a family member just yesterday; he is in a partnership – a civil partnership actually – but he has become more dependent on his partner recently due to failing health. It’s interesting because, back in the days when civil partnership was ‘new’, they didn’t consider making any personal vows as such and simply repeated the legalities…something along these lines: P and C are here to formally pledge their love, to be united in a partnership, and to offer each other the security that comes from promises sincerely made, and faithfully kept. They are choosing to make a commitment to each other for the rest of their lives.

They’ve been together in a solid relationship for more than fifty years! As you can imagine, with the frailty that can come with illness and old age, it’s easy to get caught up in overthinking about what might be (or, in his case, also what might have been). My brother – P– certainly overthinks; he is a classic example when it comes to catastrophising – the act of thinking the absolute worst when a problem occurs. Perhaps if they had considered writing their own promises and commitments, he might have been more aware about trying to control his thought patterns. If you hold with the neuroscience and appreciate the brain’s plasticity, or with spiritual practices such as meditation and yoga, it is possible to control thought. And taking the conscious decision to be with someone for the rest of your lives requires some conscious thought!

Here is yesterday’s illustrative scenario:

P wasn’t feeling well in the morning so instead of their usual stroll into town, he took a rest and C went off to fetch provisions and do some errands. My brother dozed, but when he woke up to find his partner hadn’t returned, what do you think was his first thought? That C had met a mutual friend and had an impromptu coffee? That C had missed the local bus that brings him and the heavy shopping bags back up the hill? No…by the time C got back, my brother was pacing up and down, weeping, and contemplating telephoning the funeral director to prepare for a body! He had imagined all sorts – a cardiac arrest, a terrorist attack, a Reginald Perrin type disappearance into the sea.

His slightly wild imaginings illustrate how the problem is never really the problem. Rather it’s the way we think that is the real issue.

Relationships and partnerships and the things that go with them, including the planning of weddings and other public events provide ample opportunity for one or the other to get anxious and imagine the worst case scenario. A wedding is a time when we want a perfect day, when everything should be in our control, when nothing must go wrong. That’s a lofty hope because, even with all the planning and preparation or love in the world, we can’t stave off every challenge.

Here are some of the ways that we can avoid catastrophising:

Catch ourselves in the act – as soon as we become aware of what we are thinking, remind ourselves that we have done this before, but we’re still here and things worked out.

Ask ourselves specific questions about the worst thing that could happen and balance it out with the best; we can take mitigating action to aim for joy.

Follow the negative thoughts to see where they lead. At every negative turn, we have the option to choose a more positive outcome, to shift the thinking into taking a different path.

Remind ourselves that we are not our thoughts. They are external – it may seem like they are part of us but if we can separate them from our being, they don’t consume us. An example is: ‘I am useless at reading in public and out loud’ changes to ‘My brain is telling me today that I am useless but I am so worthy.’

Pay attention when things go well and also when previous catastrophic predictions haven’t materialised. We can soon take note when our brains cry wolf and can recognise when we have met challenge and survived.

Look out for tomorrow’s blog to discover some more ways to, live in the now, and avoid catastrophic thinking.

Categories
Daily inspiration

Thinking About Thinking: Good Health

In my daily ‘goings about’ yesterday, I passed one of our local bridal shops…it has a double window, beautifully lit, displaying an array of sparkling, elegant dresses in all colours. I was quick to note that the mannequins were in every conceivable size. I wanted to go in and thank them…I recalled some of the dread when I got married back in the eighties, when windows were dressed with size 6 gowns, and a limited number of ‘outsize’ dresses (I was a size 14!) were hidden in a back stockroom. I was shamed into buying the one which ‘fitted’ best – not my dream dress but one that ‘would do’. I look back at photos now and can see that I did have beauty; but the things I see first are how vulnerable I was, how unsure of myself, how my thoughts about who I was, the way I looked, and how I was perceived were not at all healthy.

I’m going to share an excerpt from my book – The Will To Surthrive – Self-Help Guide – before I discuss how the most important thing to get in shape before your big day – before any day in fact – is your thinking and your mindset.

“Back in the eighties, a time when it might be considered that, physically, I was in my prime, there was – what was then – a very novel attention placed on keep-fit and personal health. Google Mr Motivator, Mad Lizzie or the Green Goddess and you will see for yourself how this trend took hold. My then sister-in-law and I, caught up in the frenzy of morning TV and the allure of wanting to look at our very best, would schedule a date for a most civilised coffee, after participating in a home/lounge-based healthy session of callanetics. (The idea was that we would inspire and motivate each other.) For those of you unenlightened as to the joys of this programme, I guess this was a precursor to Pilates, built on the idea that small but continually repetitive movements, contractions, and squeezes, in large quantities, would help to develop muscle and core control. One such exercise involved the use of a wooden chair, one leg firmly placed on the floor, the other stretched high, with a delicately turned ankle, rested on its back. Once in position, one then gently pulsated, forwards and backwards for a count of one hundred tiny stretches, gently but persistently pounding the gluteus maximus and gastrocnemius muscles. I can still vividly picture the image of my sister-in-law in brightly coloured lycra, leg warmers, full makeup, headband, her leg dexterously placed on the uppermost strut of the chair’s backrest, her admirable poise and balance, balletic stature, a cigarette in one hand, and a glass of wine in the other!”

We might have had the best intentions with the exercise but for sure, what wasn’t in the healthiest of places was our thinking. Now I know that it is the most important factor which impacts good health.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look your best at ceremonies; you’ll be captured in print from every angle and it’s healthy to watch what fuel you put into your system, to keep hydrated with plenty of water and to keep it active and strong with an appropriate exercise programme. But… if you don’t regularly and directly confront yourself when thoughts veer off-track, then no amount of exercise or healthy foods, vitamin supplements or proteins, beauty treatments or salon visits will help you to be fully healthy.

It is only size that’s measured on scales – not the quality of your thoughts, nor the joy and peacefulness of your mind.

So, if you want to be really healthy on your day, mind your thoughts!

Look out for the next blogs in the series, which will help you to discover strategies for how to do that…

Categories
Daily inspiration

Thinking About Thinking

I frequently find, when my mind is racing (or when I’ve been ignoring my own advice and am on a doom scrolling binge!) that a little gem appears out of nowhere to stop me in my tracks. It’s ironic really, because thinking about the little gem can stop me from overthinking.

This is an example of one I found recently – it’s a poem, or rather a little ditty by Collette O’Mahony and it is so simple yet profound:

“Your heart is a palace but you live in your head; you own a vast mansion, yet you sleep in the shed.”

I have often lived in my head, over processing little details, building a huge story around a small word or gesture, and falling subconsciously into my brain’s default mode: introspecting, ruminating, worrying. But I have learned, mostly through my role now as a Celebrant, that overthinking impedes happiness. It halts progress, creates fear, and causes doubt. It prompts regret, can lead to confusion and acts as a spotlight on problems as well as a dimmer for any chink of light you may need to solve them.

Overthinking isn’t a mental illness; indeed sometimes there are benefits to it: empathising with other perspectives, considering multiple solutions…but I have seen how too much of it can lead to conditions associated with mental ill-health – conditions such as depression or anxiety.

And overthinking, at a time when you are planning a major life event can be more of a hindrance than an advantage. So, over the coming days, I am going to share with you some of the ways that I have developed to switch out from that default mode.

Keep an eye out for the series!

Categories
Daily inspiration

The Valentine Celebrant

Upon this day, when love is widely sung,

No partner by my side, no hand to hold,

Yet fear ye not a single, bitter tongue.

In solitude, my love it still unfolds.

As, in this single state, I find my carriage,

Music in my heart, a solo dance,

A Celebrant who writes of love in marriage

The sacred vows, of your bespoke romance.

While couples share their whispers sweet and low,

I witness love and joy beyond compare

I revel in the role I love and know.

And celebrate the union they now share.

So, on this day of love, I proudly stand,

And offer you my love, my heart in hand.

Choosing a celebrant to lead your wedding is almost as important as choosing your life partner! You will remember this day forever, so make sure that you are standing at the front with the people you love!

GET IN TOUCH

Schedule a Visit

Contact me
Categories
Daily inspiration

BBC Radio Devon

This is the transcript of a conversation broadcast on BBC Radio Devon on 4th September, 2023. It was such a privilege to be able to chat so openly about Celebrancy, the need for a few changes in law, and the reasons behind why I chose this line of work, after so long in education. You can still catch the podcast on BBC catch up, between 10:15 and 11am…

David Fitzgerald

Business as a celebrant has been keeping my next guest very busy this summer and it’s from… well, both ends of the spectrum. Julie Chudleigh helps people at the start of their lives and pays tribute to them at the end. She’s the person who performs or officiates ceremonies and while you might normally most openly see her at weddings, also she does vowel renewals – Sorry, Julie, I keep saying vowel and every time I watch reality television, I say, “There’s a woman that needs a vowel renewal!” – baby namings, funerals, interments and memorials. Listen. First of all, have I got the description of a celebrant correct?

Julie Chudleigh

That’s pretty correct, yes, I often get referred to as a celibate, which is another thing entirely. And not true at all. But anyway, there you go. Yes, the celebrant is somebody who really does celebrate, or commemorate, or mark all the rights of passage in life in a… in a big ceremonial way. It’s a lovely job. I adore it.

David FitzGerald

Fantastic. Could be worse. You could be mistaken for a stick of celery that’s…

Julie Chudleigh

…not likely. We’ve met. You know, I’m much more like a doughnut.

David FitzGerald

And also, I loathe celery. Why was that invented? The disgusting stuff. Well, I’ve got to ask. Has it been busy for you?

Julie Chudleigh

Yes, it’s been very busy. Well, I say it’s been busy. It has been busy on the wedding front because traditionally, summer is wedding season and I’ve been really fortunate because the ceremonies that I’ve done, even if there’s been thunder and lightning the day before, it’s been glorious on the day that the celebration has taken place. Now, I’m not saying I’ve got any connections with any higher power. But… but… it’s just turned out really lucky that the weddings have been so lovely and sunny, so it’s been a joy.

David FitzGerald

A couple of weeks ago it was odd. The heavens opened and I’m talking biblical rain and I happen to know that there was somebody we vaguely knew… their daughter was getting married that day and we all sat down. Ohh no poor things.

Julie Chudleigh

So many of them (because the laws have changed slightly – not enough yet – we may get chance to talk about that in a minute, but the laws have changed slightly in that people can  get married anywhere, so they don’t have to be in, you know, a consecrated or registered room in order for the ceremony to take place.) So, a lot of them are planned to be outdoors. You know, you’ve got some wonderful flower filled alleyways that brides can come up through and it’s beautiful. So, if they’ve been planning that and then the rain puts a damper on it and you’re, you’re in a different room… obviously there are always contingency plans in place, but it’s much nicer if that’s their dream, to be wed outside.

David FitzGerald

Do you approve of that? You can get married in a car showroom or on the escalator of Debenhams… is that rather cheapening…?

Julie Chudleigh

I kind of…I kind of do! I tell you what I do approve of. I approve of choice. And I think that, you know, the way I liken it is if you if, when sadly someone passes, a person will go to the registrar of births, deaths and marriages and register that person deceased… with a doctor’s certificate. And then the ceremony for it takes place at some occasion afterwards, and it can be anywhere. So that place can reflect that person’s life. Likewise with a naming when a baby is born, somebody will go to the registrar and officially name the child. And then you can have a naming ceremony, a baptism, a christening, a blessing. You know, whatever your choice is. So, I think the same should actually apply to weddings, that you register a marriage. I mean, we are way behind in the UK. So many other countries actually have celebrants who are the official registrars. They are the ones who are nominated to be able to do so… it’s my own personal preference – because I think it’s a wonderful thing to be married; and I still believe in the sanctity of marriage – so, it’s my own personal preference to marry couples in places that reflect the loveliness of the coming together. But I still think it should offer freedom of choice.

David FitzGerald

Wo, wo, woah! Just… just step back a bit. Do you? Somebody comes to you and right, you’re the celebrant. Do… do you marry people or does there have to be another official in place? I missed that bit when you were talking about going through the registrar bit…are you guided with a… or associated with the registrar? The ceremony?

Julie Chudleigh

Unfortunately, disassociated with the registrars at the ceremony! All celebrants who work in the industry would really love to work with registrars, but it’s become a little bit of an issue. There’s a… there’s a working party that put papers to the government – a white paper to the government last year in July – and there’s lots of work going ahead to try and ensure that celebrants become the people that are actually officially marrying people, but what – in in my case – what I do is, I advise couples to seek the official legal document, which is literally… it can be done in a 15 minute ceremony; they obviously have to go through the official thing where they read the banns and they check that people are of sound mind and that there’s nobody being coerced into this union and that, literally, is a ceremony that needs to be witnessed and can cost £45. I think maximum is fifty… it depends on the county. And so, my preference is to say that couples do that beforehand. So that when I am leading the celebration of that marriage, I’m not allowed to use any of the legal words like, “Do you know of any lawful impediment?” That’s not my responsibility. But I can announce them as a married as a couple. So, there are occasions where couples want the registrar and myself to be present at the same time. Now the law states that we have to clearly make it 2 separate ceremonies. So, we had an issue where one registrar said I wasn’t allowed to be present and I did actually contest that to say, “Look, I’m a friend of the family. I’m a wedding guest, but I won’t, you know, impinge on the legal part of the ceremony until you have signed the document and we have made that clear.” So that’s essentially how it works, but they’re trying to change the laws on that.

David FitzGerald

Good grief! So, if you are married by a celebrant, is this a sweeping statement? It is not technically legal.

Julie Chudleigh

It’s not. No, it’s not. And we thought, you know, most people who are operating wedding venues are requested by the registrars to put up a sign to say that this is not a legal ceremony. But like I say, there is… I mean, it’s very discriminatory … so the laws actually state that you cannot have any religion in a civil ceremony and obviously then the church has got their own (regulation), so there are only certain religious buildings that you can be married in. So first of all, it’s wiping out swathes of people that are not from the Christian religion. You know, it also states that… what happens if a couple are marrying, who say, one is Christian, the other is Hindu. Or one is atheist because it does happen. You know, they say opposites attract, don’t they?  And then what? I was asked by a couple – this was just recently, actually, last week, not in Devon. And I won’t mention the name of the place. But I was asked by a couple to read that wonderful Bible reading from Corinthians, you know? It was in Four Weddings and a Funeral, the clanging symbol and the banging drum and love is patient, love is kind. And I was…I was banned from using it, because although the hotel had said that it wasn’t a religious ceremony (nor a civil ceremony) the registrars in that particular county had said that they would remove the venue licence if there was anything religious in the ceremony at all, so it’s quite complex laws (and they are misapplied by registrars and venues!)

David FitzGerald

Well, never knew that. Strangely, this year I have had to attend 2 weddings of the same couple, one in the Muslim faith and one in the Christian faith, because when they got married the first time around in front of an Imam,  they said the couple may still not live together until the Christian ceremony has taken place I just thought, “Ah, OK, fine, you know. What’s it called ….?

Julie Chudleigh

Wow, do you happen to know which which one, or either was legal?

David FitzGerald

I would have said both. One was in one was abroad, one was in Amsterdam and one was in this country, and I couldn’t quite understand why the… the…the Muslim faith said that until the Christian ceremony is gone, they may still not live together and. I thought OK. Fine. And it just shows that… that both sides were in agreement; both sides were thinking about the morality, but I just find it very odd. So Julie, I had… I had no idea. And we’ve learned things today that a celebrant was not actually a legal – if that’s the proper term – a legal status to carry out the ceremony in full. That’s the best way of putting it?

Julie Chudleigh

No, not yet. But if you look at Australia, New Zealand, Canada, France, Spain, you know several other overseas countries, we are way behind because in all of those countries, the celebrants are legal. There’s been a big movement from Humanists because they have said, that you know the… the marriage laws which were…. I mean the current laws, originate back to 1750 something, although there have been tweaks – obviously with you know regarding, you know, venues and the… the sexual, the gender of couples etcetera, which has changed things recently – the actual marriage laws are still more than 300 years old. Humanists challenged that a little while ago to say look, this is discriminatory. You know we… we want to actually talk about our beliefs. So, they’re kind of – if you like – doing religion without religion, if that makes sense. So they were the ones to pitch it and the government are considering that. But then I’m an independent celebrant which means particularly in terms of funerals… I… we… people have very strong faiths, but the reality is we don’t actually know what happens. So I think we just need to be really respectful of all faiths, all creeds, none, no creed if necessary. And so as an independent…you know, I have very strong values but will do what the deceased, the bereaved families would like to do. And likewise in weddings and naming services.

David FitzGerald

Right. Am I right in thinking the law changed many, many years ago? You can now get married on a Sunday. Have I imagined this at some point in this wonderful island’s history? You could not get married on a Sunday? Do you know that?

Julie Chudleigh

I…I don’t know. I think that’s not true because my brother and sister-in-law were married on October the 22nd, 1972 in Saint Lukes Church in Torquay (that was a Sunday) So, I’m not sure that that is true.

David FitzGerald

Right. OK. Anyone out there can help? I I sussed that bit of trivia at the back of my mind that at one point you…in this history of ours… you couldn’t get married on a Sunday, but maybe that has changed. I’m just looking online at the moment. The tradition fascinates me. You fascinate me. I had no idea you’re a complete fraud. Isn’t it fascinating? Why is she on here? Julie “the Jackal” Chudleigh will be back with us.

Ed Sheeran Song

David Fitzgerald

I’ve just had a quick scoot around the intima web and all I can find at the moment is that Sunday weddings were not traditionally in place. In olden days, there’s no actual specific date on this. Mainly because the priests would have been very busy anyway on a Sunday with worship, and that’s the only reason I can find it. But I’m pretty sure at one point you could not get married on a Sunday, but obviously that is not the case now.

David FitzGerald

Julie Chudleigh with us today. Thank you for shedding some light on there. Julie. I say this is fascinating. No idea.

Julie Chudleigh

It’s a pleasure to be able to shed some light on it because you know I I feel very strongly about this. We had a conversation the last time I was chatting to you. We were talking about why I think the role of a celebrant is important and I think that, you know, some people have moved away from the church, but there still needs to be a kind of…person connected with the family or a community who kind of offers guidance and experience and kindness and a little bit of wisdom when you’re facing these different rites of passage. So, I don’t… I don’t essentially see myself in a kind of counsellor or guidance role, but certainly when I’m working with a couple for weddings, I work with them over a long period of time. We meet at least eight times, in order to kind of pull the ceremony and the… and the appropriate wording together. Funnily enough, my brother and sister-in-law that I mentioned a minute ago were married in 1972. So obviously they celebrated their 50th last year and I stayed with them for a little while and I was laughing about the vows that they made back then. Because I think she promised to obey him. Ohh! my goodness me… Would they rewrite those vows if they had a chance now?

David FitzGerald

Well, things have moved on. I’m just looking at the 1753 Marriage Act. This is fascinating. Yeah, you had to stick to this, the Jewish religion and Quakers were exempt from this. Any clergyman who disobeyed this 1753 – this would include you now, Julie, 14 years transportation to Australia! It’s a lovely trip these days, especially if you’re going business class. Maybe not in 1753, but there we go. Oh, bizarre.

Julie Chudleigh

Archaic, some of those regulations really.

David FitzGerald

I believe the tower, which is now named the Elizabeth Tower at the Houses of Parliament, contains most of the incredibly outdated laws on now what’s it called vellum, isn’t it? Which is a more or less a a leathery type of paper. Yeah, but that’s just going to….You must not carry a sword within the Houses of Parliament. You can still claim up to 1976 that a woman was a witch. This is a law.

Julie Chudleigh

My son still claims that.

David FitzGerald

Ohh how did you get into this? Where did you start?

Julie Chudleigh

What, in celebrancy? Ohh it’s a number of things that kind of led to it. But the first was my… so, my mum passed away. Actually it was five years ago on the 31st of August. And we really couldn’t find anybody who could do the kinds of things that she wanted at her funeral service. Now, my father had passed away… I don’t know… 30 years before, and I still to this day remember what a horrific event that was. It was horrific in every sense of it. The vicar that didn’t know him, you know, used wrong names. You know, it was…it was…. When I say depressing, obviously funerals are sad and a (final) farewell. But it just didn’t bear any resemblance to the vibrant, you know, quite colourful character. So when it came to mum’s service, I said to my brothers, “OK. I’m going to do it!” They were quite horrified. Yeah, but I remember at the time…when my dad died, there were three brothers and they wanted to carry the casket and it left me out. Of course, you know the idea of a woman stepping forward back in the 1990s to actually carry the casket was just unheard of, so it was all about wanting this change to to the rituals that we have. I mean you mentioned in your introduction to me today about me being involved in education, you know, one of the things that we don’t do is think about how we explain this process to children. It’s really difficult to do so now. I actively encourage children to be part of the ceremony of saying goodbye to someone. Otherwise, how do they get closure? Some of the images that we kind of see, I mean when… when our dear Queen died and we watched what was happening there with, you know, some of the very stark – and and quite traumatic traumatising imagery – you know? The casket disappearing into the vaults below, and we don’t …we can’t explain that away. So, I want to effect change. I came into it because I want to effect change.

David FitzGerald

Excellent. And have you done it? Are you pleased with the situation? Are you happy where you are today?

Julie Chudleigh

I love what I’m doing. I absolutely love it. I mean, I’ve spent this weekend having conversations with people who are preparing for funeral ceremonies in this coming week, and the suggestions that I can put forward to them to make the process for them kinder, more respectful….gentler. Yes, I love it. But I think there’s still a long way to go. We still need quite a lot of change. But there were a number. Like I wrote a blog on the anniversary of my mum’s death talking about the idea of soul midwives, so soul midwives are … in the old days it would have been a vicar or a priest who would, you know, give absolution or read (last) rites of passage. But obviously people have moved so far away from that. And so the idea of actually helping someone to make that transition from life into death. As a kind of independent sort of guide is a really beautiful thing to encourage, and that is slowly kind of taking hold and people are becoming aware of that.

David FitzGerald

I find this absolutely incredible that this isn’t touched upon in schools. Surely there is. I don’t know what they call it now. Humanities or life lessons or …

Julie Chudleigh

So the… the RSHE is the relationship, sex and health education and it was, I think it was 2020 September that became compulsory in schools. So you have one organisation called the PSHE Organisation, which is the Personal Social Health Education – they’re like a kind of advisory organisation and I have been writing resources to bring this RSHE curriculum into schools, if you like. But in reality, it’s delivered in maybe half hour sessions. You know where English and maths and science and history and geography and and knowledge organisers and content is taken over from all of that. And yet the skills that we really need to help children to cope through life, be it dealing with death or looking at separation and divorce or, you know, reconstituted families…coping or dealing with credit and debit, it’s not addressed in this curriculum. And so yeah, I really want to continue affecting change. It might seem that the jobs that I do are  completely not related, but they are totally connected.

David FitzGerald

I think it’s fascinating, absolutely fascinating. Blunt question. Have you have you planned your funeral?

Julie Chudleigh

I have indeed. I don’t know whether I …

David FitzGerald

Thought you might.

Julie Chudleigh

I… I am going to tell you this because I would like to consider some kind of lalternative disposal of my mortal remains. Now there is a cemetery in Bristol who were, I don’t know. They were experimenting? I think this is kind of like taking quite a hold where they place a body into a pod. And the pod is raised above a pathway and your decomposing body will light up the pathway. And when I told my son that this is how I would like to, you know, be remembered. He said, good God, mother, we could hang you off the suspension bridge and you would keep Bristol lit for six years.

David FitzGerald

Your son’s got major issues, hasn’t he?

Julie Chudleigh

He’s a naughty boy, he really is.

David FitzGerald

Can I just play the next tune and we’ll dedicate this to your son because it’s fine, young cannibals. She drives me crazy. It was just designed… It’s not me, it’s the computer!

Song

David Fitzgerald

Julie Chudleigh, celebrant on the programme today… all around Devon, people are rushing to find their paperwork just in case they’re not married. Just don’t giggle like that. Everyone knows this. Apparently. According to a couple of texts that I’ve received. No, I didn’t. No, I didn’t that the celebrant may carry on the service, but. You’re not technically married at the end of that service, and you do stress this, Julie. I mean, the information is out there. It’s just that when I got married, it was 2222 years ago. Earlier, what was it was a Methodist minister. And yeah, things have moved on, definitely moved on, but I you say you’re busy. Do you do you charge? Is this the way that you actually make a living?

Julie Chudleigh

Yes, it is the way that I make a living. I mean, it’s the same in, you know, any kind of industry really. I mean, even clergy obviously charge. In fact, I charge the same fee as clergy because I don’t see it as a business. I need to…I need to make a living, but I don’t overcharge. And I’m in line with what the clergy charge because I’m performing that same kind of service and obviously there are costs involved for me. There are hours. I mean every ceremony that I produce is absolutely unique. I I frequently write unique poetry. You know, the, the committals are bespoke. Unless somebody’s specifically got an idea of a more traditional poem or or a way of saying something. So, yes. But my fees are not ridiculous and they’re in line with other celebrants. And I trained a couple of years ago with the Academy of Modern Celebrancy. It’s a brilliant organisation and there are hundreds… if you look at the directory there are…hundreds of celebrants all over the world. But even Scotland, Northern Ireland, Ireland, the celebrants can legally officiate in those countries. It’s only England and Wales that are way behind everywhere else.

David FitzGerald

OK, nice little piece here. There is no legal reason why you couldn’t get married in church on any day of the year. However, it is worth remembering that during certain holy periods or days, the church may take a decision not to conduct weddings. For example, lent. Easter. Yeah, I can understand that. Anyone actually got married on Christmas Day? I’d love to hear from you. If you haven’t done a, have you ever done a service or Christmas Day or New Year’s Eve or something of that?

Julie Chudleigh

No, I’ve been to them, but I haven’t done any since I’ve been working as a celebrant.

David FitzGerald

Good, great. I suppose….my father and mother got married on April Fool’s Day so my dad can never forget his wedding anniversary. Yeah. Move on from there. Ian said, “it wasn’t mandatory to say ‘obey.’ In the 1970s, his wife chose to say, ‘cherish’ instead. They’re approaching their 51st anniversary, so maybe cherishing, not obeying helped you. I’m assuming you can take the standard wording from a ceremony and change it. Even if you are in a church or in front of a registrar, I’m guessing you can do that?

Julie Chudleigh

So the registrars have got three. I think if I’m right in saying there’s three basic services that they deliver, but they have to the legal wording; it has to be repeated in each one of the ones they use. Obviously the lawful impediment; knowing any legal reason why somebody can’t marry and that has to be open to the public to be able to come into that to to contest if somebody they know is marrying illegally or you know, there is a reason why the law prevents them from doing so. So yeah, you can’t. You cannot change the wording of those. And that’s why a celebrant ceremony is so special and so spectacular. For example, the two most recent weddings that I’ve conducted the couples were from very, very different backgrounds, and the actual vows that they wrote, I wrote them with one couple based on, you know, their desires and their aspirations and their values and their beliefs and their dreams of the future. And the other couple wrote their own. To each other, and I mean, I won’t go into personal circumstances, but, you know, life has a funny way of of, you know, you think this marriage day is going to be the most amazing thing and everything to be hunky dory. Forever. But life sends really challenging circumstances your way. So when somebody is dealing with an illness or, you know, a work issue or something else and they know that they’re going to see each other through these difficult times, the vows that they make are very different to those that they legally have to repeat in a in a legal ceremony.

David FitzGerald

Strange. Have you ever? Obviously, again without specific dates or names… have you ever been in a ceremony where you think, ‘Ohh, this isn’t right?’ I wonder if this has is is actually coercion or whether this is something criminal at the background.

Julie Chudleigh

Not criminal, but coercive and not anything that I’ve conducted yet. And I mean, do you know, the sanctity of marriage and the solemnity of it is still important to me, so there are certain situations where if I was approached to do something, I would probably turn it down because it’s still really important for me to follow a moral code. If you like. Yes, a moral code isn’t far removed from what I mean. I was brought up in the church and the Salvation Army, the Christian Church, I think my parents sent me there to get rid of me on a Sunday, actually, but you know, I went to a Catholic school. But all of these strict moral kinds of codes of conduct still guide my life if you like. But yeah, be having been widely travelled. I just feel very differently about religion now and think we need to be much more open and more accepting.

David FitzGerald

Things have moved on says this text, but very sad God has been elbowed out. Does this make things better? Well, as a discussion point, obviously God has come into your background. Religion has come into your background. And that is in mind when you stand in front of a congregation.

Julie Chudleigh

Yeah. So to give you an example, I mean, particularly when I’m I’m working with families who’ve gone through a bereavement, it is never my responsibility to inflict my views or my values or my religious beliefs or spiritual beliefs on anybody at all. But it’s really tricky when you’re …. I think when you say elbowing God out, not at all because there is still some kind of very powerful thing that helps to kind of guide me if you like. But you know, I find it really tricky if I’m working with a couple who just lost a baby. And you know, I’m coming out with perhaps platitudes that say, you know, God wanted them called home early. Don’t worry. This is going to be…..they just don’t work. Those those kinds of comments, they’re not supportive! We understand far more about how to counsel people through grief and particularly in circumstances…. you know, it’s one thing when…. when my mum was 90 – she’d had an amazing life and of course it was traumatic for us when she was suffering dementia at the end. But you know, it was a kind of cycle, an appropriate cycle of life. And so I think I can use all of my wisdom – and I don’t say this lightly – but, you know, women were hung for being witches many years ago because of the kind of old wisdom that they’d accrued if you like. So I’m not coming at this from any kind of Pagan or witchy perspective whatsoever, but I’m able to use some of the experiences that I’ve gone through to just be kind. And that doesn’t need for me to call on platitudes or use, you know, words that might have appeared in a document from from very long ago. We need to look at things differently.

David FitzGerald

I do. You would you or have you done a Wicca ceremony?

Julie Chudleigh

I haven’t done a Wicca ceremony. I would not rule it out. I would need to kind of look into it really, and make sure that it kind of fitted with my values, but it’s something I would contemplate.

David FitzGerald

Right. And we are talking not twisting with reeds, but looking at, is it right to say Pagan? I’m not too sure, probably getting into deep water here, but there are those that follow the druidical way the Wicca way, the the older way, maybe. Who is who is to say, who is to judge?

Julie Chudleigh

It’s interesting because if you then go, so I mentioned the RSHE scheme of work earlier on and you know that there’s info going into schools about relationships and health and kind of personal development, (including different religious or non-religious perspectives) and so on. And actually, you know, I can’t remember the specific names, the ceremonies now, but there are 8 ceremonies that are from the Pagan ideas, which pre-empted Easter or All Saints Day? So you’ve got Halloween and you know actually for children, I think it’s a good idea for them to understand this history because you know who’s to say who’s right? And I think if we get so dogmatic about a particular way of life or a particular belief system, that’s where we can lead ourselves to, you know, taking very extreme stances and I want to address that with children. I want them to see, you know that there are other options out there, other ways of life that are not scary or or demonic. But you know that we can find the history of where they came about.

David FitzGerald

Absolutely fascinating Julie, but this short trot through your mind has been certainly educational for all of us here. What’s, what’s what’s next? Haven’t you just moved properties or downsized you?

Julie Chudleigh

Yes…So we were chatting about this the last time you and I spoke. So I’ve moved back into a property that I was renting out. I decided that I don’t need ostentatious things. I need a simple life. It’s given me a lovely position to be able to use my finances to do things I enjoy like the sunshine and to walk along the beach rather than slogging myself for a lifestyle that I don’t really need or like so yes, I’m in much smaller accommodation, but it’s my little sanctuary. I’m going to be in the office today writing a funeral service later today. And I will find that very comforting. I think if I can actually pull together what I hope to be able to pull together. Yeah, that’s my plan for today.

David FitzGerald

Absolutely brilliant. And you’re still tutoring. You’re still taking on students?

Julie Chudleigh

I am loving that and having great success with it as well, because again, if you if you are able to draw the light out of children and let them see their own brilliance, then they can still thrive even in this quite tricky time of crazy assessment. So yeah, I’m really pleased with the tutoring that I do as well. I have a lovely life.

David FitzGerald

Absolutely remarkable. Yeah, I’ve got to ask this question. Would you ever gone into the church yourself because you seem to have that value for the church, for Christianity, whether that’s the right or wrong thing to say. But you certainly have the right attitude to assist people from the very first steps.

Julie Chudleigh

Ohh, thank you. Yeah, it was something that was muted when I was a 15/16 year old, so I was with the Salvation Army, which is where I learned all about music and the joy of that. So I learned to play the trumpet there and I think because of the personality that I had and the confidence that I had back then that I was encouraged to go into ministry, if you like. But I kicked against that at the time. I’d got a very strict father, and then the indoctrination of this thing that I was beginning to question when I could see that actually there were people who weren’t always behaving quite as one would have hoped, and I just didn’t like what I saw as a little bit of hypocrisy at the time. So I kind of kicked against it, really. But yeah, I’ve come…I’ve… it’s come full circle.

David FitzGerald

Question everything, which is what we’ve done today. Absolutely brilliant. Julie, you’re an absolute star. And you had me so on your side. Right up to the point that you admit that you played the trumpet?

Julie Chudleigh

Gives me kissy lips.

David FitzGerald

Gives you kissy lips! Do you still play the trumpet.

Julie Chudleigh

I still play the trumpet.

David FitzGerald

Oh, we need you on air, playing the trumpet. You haven’t got one there, have you got a trumpet to hand there, have you?

Julie Chudleigh

No, fortunately, it’s downstairs….for you and for me.

David FitzGerald

Yes, there is a God. Thank you, Julie. Next time you’re back on, I think just a little bit of the trumpet voluntary with or without kissy lip.

Julie Chudleigh

OK, flight of the bumblebee maybe?

David FitzGerald

Fantastic. Listen, you can do that. Poor old Julie appears to have had a stroke. You can’t play Flight of the Bumblebee on a trumpet! No one’s gonna walk away from that one. I’m going to show you Julie Chudleigh. Thank you so much. Indeed. It has been an absolute pleasure.

Julie Chudleigh

We’ll speak soon. It’s a joy! Thanks for having me.

David FitzGerald

Cheers Buddy! Bye