Pre-wedding preps are full of conversations about flowers or wedding breakfasts, guest invites and seating plans, speeches and first dances. I’m not sure how many couples will sit down and ask each other the harder questions that are essential to their being successfully wed.
And yet, those are the conversations that truly shape a marriage.
How do we handle money together?
What does success mean or look like to you?
How much independence do you need?
What role will family play in our life, now and in the future?
How do you respond when you feel hurt?
These questions are more romantic than they seem…because if you are aligned on them – or even if you agree to disagree – they become the foundations for deeper love.
In my own marriage, some of the most difficult fractures grew quietly in the spaces we hadn’t examined closely enough. Not because we didn’t care but because we assumed love would smooth over differences.
It didn’t…it doesn’t!
Silence can feel peaceful in the early years, but later on, it just becomes distance.
Healthy couples learn to be courageous in their communication; they are curious rather than avoidant because they understand that disagreement is not dangerous. It is data. It reveals where alignment needs strengthening. Their ability to repair, adapt, and maintain is the bedrock of mutual respect and kindness.
One of the most beautiful things I witness as a celebrant is when couples speak honestly in their vows. Not just “you are my everything,” but:
“I promise to listen when we disagree.”
“I promise to tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.”
That is intimacy.
The strength of a marriage is not measured by how little conflict it has but by how safely conflict can be navigated.
Avoided conversations do not disappear.
They wait.
And love deserves more than avoidance.
It deserves courage.
If you’re sitting together right now, navigating those big, honest conversations about your future, you’ve already started the real work of marriage. Love like that deserves a ceremony that honours your specific truth…no fluff, but real stuff.
Book a call with me to see how we can craft a ceremony that’s as courageous and intimate as the life you’re building together.
Latansani 