Attraction is more than just a spark…it’s science and it’s rooted in biology, psychology, and chemistry. When we feel drawn to someone, there are several systems in our brain and body which are at work, creating what we perceive as love or desire.
Have you any real idea what’s really happening when your head spins and your heart feels like it’s going to burst out from it’s cage?
Biology and Survival
Attraction starts deep in our evolutionary history. Our ancestors needed to find healthy, strong mates to pass on their genes. Today, this instinct still shapes many of our preferences and so physical traits like facial symmetry, for example, are often linked to perceived health and fertility. This is why we might be drawn to people who look fit or display signs of good health—our biology is wired to seek out those who could help us reproduce successfully.
But attraction isn’t just physical. Traits like kindness, intelligence, and social status are also attractive because they suggest a potential partner will provide stability and support, important for survival in early human societies.
Chemistry
The phrase “chemistry” in romance is quite literal. When you meet someone you’re attracted to, your brain releases a cocktail of chemicals that affect how you feel. Dopamine, often called the “feel-good” neurotransmitter, floods your brain when you’re around someone you like, causing feelings of happiness and excitement. Meanwhile, adrenaline spikes your heart rate, making you feel more alert and energized. Serotonin, which controls mood and happiness, often drops, leading to obsessive thinking about the other person.
Oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” is released during moments of physical intimacy like hugging or kissing. This hormone promotes bonding and emotional connection, deepening feelings of attachment.
It’s no wonder there are so many love songs linked to the idea that we’re intoxicated with love:
Addicted To Love – Robert Palmer
By The End Of The Night – Ellie Goulding
Can’t Feel My Face – The Weeknd
Dope – John Legend
Favorite Kind Of High – Kelly Clarkson
I Get Lifted – George McCrae
I Want A New Drug – Huey Lewis & the News
I’m Addicted – Madonna
Just Like A Pill – Pink
Love Is The Drug – Roxy Music
Never Be the Same – Camila Cabello
No Drug Like Me – Carly Rae Jepsen
Off My Face – Justin Bieber
Pusher Love Girl – Justin Timberlake
Seen You – Example
Sense – The Lightning Seeds
She’s So High – Blur
This Addiction – Alkaline Trio
Up – Erica Falls
Your Love Is My Drug – Kesha
Psychology
Our personal preferences are shaped by a mix of experience, culture, and social conditioning. For example, if you grew up in a culture that idealises certain body types or personalities, you might be more likely to find those traits attractive. Additionally, psychologists suggest that our relationship with our parents can subconsciously influence who we’re attracted to. People often seek out partners who remind them of their caregivers, either to recreate or avoid the dynamics they experienced growing up.
Humans are naturally drawn to people who are similar to them, both in appearance and personality. This is known as the “similarity-attraction effect.” We’re more likely to bond with someone who shares our values, interests, and background because it creates a sense of understanding and predictability. Familiarity also plays a role—studies show that we tend to feel more attracted to people we’ve encountered frequently, even if only in passing. This is why proximity often leads to deeper relationships.
A Complex Cocktail of Attraction
Attraction isn’t just one thing—it’s a blend of biology, chemistry, and psychology. While the initial spark might be fueled by evolutionary instincts and chemical reactions, the deeper connection often comes from shared values and emotional bonds. Understanding the science behind attraction doesn’t take away its magic; in fact, it highlights just how complex and fascinating love truly is.
Latansani 