It’s coming up to the two year anniversary of my Mother’s passing. It is no easier to accept the death, and especially not the means of her passing, although the space around the grief becomes easier and life, as they say, moves on. Bereavement leaves you with little other choice!
It’s not exactly with out her…she is frequently a part of conversation and a part of the laughter as we remember some of the hilarious things she said and did. She is in the ornaments and mementoes that she left behind for each one of her family; she is in the quirks and mannerisms and facial expressions of her off-spring and grandchildren – perhaps even in her great grandchildren; she is in the music that she loved to listen to, dance to and sing to and the lyrics that meant something to her; she is in the rhetoric that we subconsciously mimic; she is in the recipes from our childhood that we replicate; she is, though not tangibly present at family gatherings, festivities, wedding celebrations, birthdays, almost there – as if she is sitting in a corner from some matriarchal advantage point, watching and listening.
But most importantly she is in the decisions we continue to make throughout our lives. Her influence is just as strong after her passing as it was when we could hear her advice or feel her comfort – just as strong as it was when she was alive and with us. One of the upsides since her death is the way it has brought into much sharper focus how, when it comes to the end of our own days, we will have no regrets about how we expressed our love for each other; how we made efforts to resolve any different perspectives and how we respected and uplifted each other in good times and in bad.
It is also, obviously, almost two years since her funeral too. And we have no regrets at all about how we said goodbye to her. How we marked this last rite of passage with a ceremony that completely reflected and respected her life, her loves, her achievements, her decisions, her friends, her family, her mothering.
I’ve heard two stories of late that sorrowfully expressed regret about the funeral of a loved one; that, not just because of COVID, but because of a lack of care and time taken to craft this event, the ceremonies did not mark, in a way that was loving and respectful, the life of the deceased. In one service the name of the deceased was continually mispronounced and incorrect! It is, no doubt, more difficult with restrictions and increased legislation but it is absolutely possible to ensure that, throughout the rest of time, you will remember the funeral of your loved one for the fact that it was loving, respectful, personal and appropriately commemorative.
If you need any guidance at all on arranging a respectful and suitable farewell, please call. There is no obligation to take up my services but I make you an absolute promise to show you compassion and respect, so that you remember this time, now, and in years to come, in the most loving way possible.
Here is the latest information regarding restrictions at funerals: